Dear Shaun,

With St. Patrick’s Day coming up, I just want to get drunk. I’m not Irish, in fact I am Vietnamese and Italian (yes, my skin is beautiful). I have a youthful connection to St. Patrick’s Day. It is when I made some of my closest friends. It wasn’t about getting wasted (although it was at times) it was about the camaraderie and shared experiences. Sneaking sips at the parade, lead to lifelong friendships. None of us drink like that anymore, but when the parade comes around or the holiday lands on a weekend (which is does this year) I just want to let loose like the old days. My partner thinks this is childish and is making me feel bad for wanting to. Can you back me up here?

Dear Dropkick Mur-Pho,

You got to do it, right? Just get absolutely sauced. I mean go after it. And be disrespectful to the trauma of the area too. You got to do Irish Car Bombs and a lot of them. Forget about the thousands killed by the IRA and the Irish Government. I want to you wear some shirt that says “Got My Arm Blasted and My Mind Wasted.”

Let’s make sure you piss a lot in the street as well. Not just because you did a bunch of car bombs and shots of McGillicuddy’s but also because you want to pay tribute to Bobby Sands and the IRA Hunger Strike in Ireland during the Troubles. Famously at one point Sands and the rest of his political prisoners could barely stand up in their cells due to exhaustion, nor go to the bathroom. They all collectively pissed into the hallway of their cells creating a river of yellow, dehydrated piss. Obviously you will think of Bobby Sands and the rest of the IRA as stand up against a wall or squat in an alley to relieve yourself only to guzzle a Guinness moments later.

You can’t eat on an empty stomach either. Make sure you eat hot dogs. They are the most filling food that is similar to snakes. After all that is what this holiday is all about. Some guy named Padraic shooed a bunch of snakes off the island of Ireland and in turn they got the worst soil known to man and couldn’t even grow a potato. As you are mowing down a hot dog think about how snakes are prehistory creatures. Their ancestors survived that big old comet that hit the Earth and killed off most life. They shouldn’t be hated, they should be respected. No wonder Padraic’s “good deed” lead the Irish to having a famine, alcoholism, fucked up religious ideology and sycophantic relationship to England. They pay homage to the old heads that stalk this globe.

So yeah, get wasted. Drink a green beer and down a jello shot on me.

NEWS

Tonight is the night (3/15) for The Roast of Worcester. We are raising money for Compassionate Care ALS. They are an amazing organization that has been so helpful already to my family and my father, who was diagnosed a year ago. You can find out more information about them here: www.ccals.org.

Even if you can’t make the show, you can make a donation on our Eventbrite here.

Bryan and his partner Jes are putting on a show at Electric Haze on Saturday 3/18 at 2PM. It is fundraiser for gender affirming clothing for Trans Youth. You can get your tickets here.

I have two shows in Worcester this Saturday. One is at Hotel Vernon at 8PM. Then I’ll be hosting Prom at Ralph’s at 9PM. It is all going to be a hoot. Hope to see you.

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